SLUT SHAMING! + school update

Omfg I am like so upset right now!

If you could see me right now you would probably crack up at the expression on my face. I am beet red my eyes are puffy from crying and I just want to punch something! I just got into a heated argument with my mom about slut shaming / victim blaming. She believes that if you dress provocatively or "show off your goodies" that you deserve whatever comes your way. But this is sooooooooo wrong on sooooooooooo many levels. It doesn't matter what you wear no one has the right to SEXUALLY ASSAULT / RAPE you!!!!!!!

This is such a disgusting ideal that society has embraced into a big fat bear hug! Like I simply cannot understand when and where in the hell RAPING someone is acceptable because of what they were wearing. It sickens me to my stomach that people think like this. I can't believe my own mother thinks like this. Whenever I hear someone say something like this I look at them in a totally different light. What if it was them who got raped or sexually assaulted? I'm pretty sure they wouldn't say "Well I was wearing some pretty tight jeans...and I did have on a really low cut shirt". HELL NO! They'd be ANGRY! They'd feel VIOLATED!

Women need to stop embracing this ideal of slut shaming. It could have been you! Or me who got raped by those 5 guys or by that guy who thought my friendly smile was an invitation for penetration (wrong time to point this out but I totally didn't realize that would rhyme). We need to start sticking up for our friends, cousins, sisters, etc. instead of saying "What did she have on?" or "How drunk was she?". We need to get angry and put a STOP TO THIS DISGUSTING WAY OF THINKING!!!!!!

Okay I just gave myself a massive headache with all of that ranting. I probably should do a school update in a different post but ahh I'm too lazy and after this I'm going to go sleep this headache away.

Anywaysss...Second week update. Nothing much happened in school this week except it was "Back to school spirit week". I had a lot of fun dressing up all the way from tye-dye day to blue and gold day (except I didn't go to school on Friday so I didn't participate.) Anyways this week was pretty boring. Had tons of tests and quizzes. Ugh junior year. Already some drama is occurring but I'll save all those juicy deats for another day. Ahh that's it. Still upset with mama bearr (yes I call my mother that. mind ya buisness) so I don't feel like elaborating anymore on this past week. Ugh goodnight.

Lonelygirl411 pissed off....and out!

School Update!!

C/O 2015...ummm YES MA'AM!

Wow..Where do I start? This week went by lighting quick! I'm trying to recollect everything that happened..Okay lets start with the first day.

• First Day: 

                 Well I had to go to school hella early (ugh) to help with getting the freshmans settled in.  It was frustrating trying to give those kids directions. But anyways I was so excited to get to my first block because I missed my favorite teacher! Mrs.B****n! (Sorry can't put her name) Anyways I had her last year and she was such an awesome teacher. She actually made me interested in American literature. I left honors english just so I could have her again. Yup it was worth it. Moving on...oh second block was alright. I was forced to sit at a table with a bunch of ghetto people who love to talk (Which is bad for me. Why? Because I don't like talking to strangers.). My marine biology teacher is pretty nice. He just talks alot...and always asks me to pass out papers(-.-). Umm third block is TERRIBLE! I don't even want to talk about that. On the brightside I have lunch with ALL of my friends. Ugh yesssss! Fourth block is pretty good. My teacher was crazy as hell! She screams and changes her voice and its frightening LOL.

• Second Day:

                   Same as the first day minus the freshman part! Oh and I wore my New York Giants t-shirt which sparked some conversations between me and a couple boys in my second block (whoa awkward much?). GIANTS ALL DAY!

• Third Day:

                   I dressed up and actually decided to be pretty. I wore my kitty tank w/ a black cardigan. Some light blue denim jeans with rips in them and some black sandals. I put my curly hair up in a high-pony-puff. I felt really pretty and I got tons of compliments on my hair. Maybe I'll do that once a week...LOL yea right. Omg and I realized how cute this boy in my second block is. Well he's not cute...he's hella HANDSOME. I mean I wouldn't mine waking up to that everyday. Or getting a kiss from those juicy lips. I need to calm down. It's to early for me to have another "Tyler". Anyways third block finally started getting better! Thank you Lawd Jesus! Like not only am I understanding the work but I'm also starting to like the teacher...baby steps though.

• Fourth Day: FRIDAAAAAAY!

                     Um this had to be the best Friday I can remember in awhile. First off I had Chick-Fil-A. It was sooooooooooooooooo good! Then I had an awesome first block! When second block came around I was just giddy with joy. I was about to sit down and get my books out when I saw my close friend come walking in. At first I thought she might've forgot something but then my teacher said "We have a new student". I almost screamed out to the heavens with joy! As soon as he walked away I walked over to her and we hugged for a good minute. My classmates probably think I'm gay. But anyways I was like " OHMIIIIIGOD!" and we started talking in funny accents. I missed her so much. *sigh*. Oh and the cute boy I was talking kept looking at me..today was my bummy day so idk if he thought I looked cute or hideous. Anyways by the time third block rolled around nothing could ruin my 'high'. I zoomed through all my work and tuned out the ghetto kids! When I was walking to my fourth block I saw my old crush (no, not Tyler. Shocking, right?) and he gave me a hug. I damn near fainted! Like could this day get any better? And it did! SCA is selling these things called 'Entertainment Books'. Nobody buys them but guess who bought one? MY TEACHER! I seriously felt like the whole day had been a dream and my alarm was gonna go off at any minute and I was gonna wake up and have a terrible day. Nope. It was all real.

So that's how my first week went. It was sooo good. I am seriously praying for a school year full of days like these. I will be back when more drama..or thoughts occur.

Lonelygirl411 OUT!

 

First Day Jitters!

Ahh school is tomorrow.. 

And I've got a terrible case of bad nerves.

 

Okay so I know like a couple days back I was so excited for the school year to begin..I still am but I'm just nervous about having to meet new people. I'm not good in social situations at all so how the heck am I supposed to get through the first day???????? I want to hide under a rock.

And to top off all of my bad nerves I have tons to do today! I'm literally speed typing right now because I have to get my hair done, get my nails done, go last minute school shopping and then head over to my aunts house for a cook out! This is the only time I'll get to vent about my jitters. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! ugh rock. please. i would like one large rock. one very very large rock.

First days are the worst....and short blog posts.

Stupid jitters (can I just say how funny that word is haha) 

mmmk byeeeeeee  

All Is Forgiven!

Best friend probs no more!

Ahh for a minute I thought I was gonna have to fly to Okinawa, Japan and beat my best friend to a senseless pulp. Awe I kinda wanted to relieve some stress. Oh well. But she actually contacted me on the third day and let me know everything that happened since she arrived back home. Shes been pretty friggin' busy. I mean her first day of school is on Monday.

When she first messaged me I was ready to go off but nahh I couldn't do it since I haven't talked to her in a few days. But anyways not much else to blog about. Today has been pretty chill and relaxing. I'm trying to enjoy my days off since school is literally two weeks away. Ugh I get nervous every time I think about it. It's time to suck it up cause' I'm a junior now. I gotta put on my big girl pants! Anyways not much more to say. This has to be  the shortest post ever. K byeeeeeeee.

Lonelygirl411 OUT!

Bestfriend Probs..merp

People are hard to understand

 

Communicating with people is not my thing! When will these dudes and dudettes understand this? I'm not good at admitting my feelings or apologizing if I'm wrong or doing something as simple as saying "Hi. My name is ___". I will admit that sometimes I can be outgoing but it takes a certain kind of person to bring that out of me...my bestfriend! But where is she?

NOWHERE AROUND HERE! 

It's so annoying. Like she goes back home (Okinawa, Japan. It's an island!) and totally stops talking to me. Like what the hell? When she was in the states the whole summer we talked every single day..now shes home and suddenly I don't hear from her at all! I mean can somebody say ABANDONMENT. Before I jumped to conclusions I thought of all the possible things that could have happened.

1. She lost her phone
2. Her phone got stolen on the 17 hour plane ride
3. She was severely injured
4. She was so tired that when she got home she slept for 2 days
5. She got arrested
6. She made her mom mad so her mom took her phone away 

So to test out these possibilities I sent her a message saying 'Hello'. I didn't want to say anything like 'Hey byotch' just in case if her mom did have her phone. But anyways I didn't get a response so I just checked my phone and guess what I saw....SHE READ MY MESSAGE. I repeat SHE. READ. MY. MESSAGE. Who does that? And to there "bffl" (bestfriend for life). I don't know what I could have possibly done for her to ignore me and my messages. Ugh lonely people don't need to feel even more lonely...We don't need that internal drama! 

*Closes eyes and counts to ten while taking deep breaths*

Okay I calmed myself down. Anyways I'm gonna give it another day and if she still doesn't message me back I am going to send her a very long message using some UN-ladylike terms. 

Lonelygirl411 is feeling lonely...and aggravated...very, very, very aggravated.

Where have I been?

Update...

Not like you would care anyways.

Okay so these past couple of days I have been busy!! Today is the first day I've actually had a break. I've been running back and forth from the school for a club I'm in called the SCA (Student Council Association. Sounds official, doesn't it?). Oh my goodness this club is wearing my down and the school year hasn't even begun yet! But anyways we just finished up an event and I had such a blast. I was a little nervous because I'm very shy so I knew I'd probably distance myself from the other members. It was actually the total opposite! The first day I kept to myself but when the second day rolled around, I was so excited and ready to mingle! They're really great people. I enjoyed every single minute and I can't wait until our next event (which is next week. yippe!!!!).

But anyways I received my schedule for this school year and booooy am I happy. I'm taking almost every class I wanted (minus like 2). I signed up for classes all the way from psychology to ceramics. Interesting, right? This year is already starting off good. For once I don't feel lonely. LOL. Maybe this year I won't be so quick to push people away? Who knows! I still have tons to do before the first day in two weeks..yup I said TWO weeks. Wowowow this feels so surreal. Okay before I start yappin' I'll go.

I'M A JUNIOR!!! LONELYGIRL411 OUT!  

 

 

Masturbation...Is it wrong?

Masturbation

Is it wrong that I like it?

First off do not judge me for what I am about to write. If you don't like the topic of masturbation then please stop reading here(:

Okay So I was on YouTube a few days ago and I came upon a channel called Sex+ by a girl named Laci Green. She's a very intelligent girl and she has a good head on her shoulders. When I first started watching her videos I was like "What the hell?". Like I literally said that every single time I clicked on a new video but when I finally decided to listen I realized that the stuff she was saying was soooooo true. I mean she talked about things from "Slut Shaming" to "A Guide For Anal Sex". I mean holy hell this girl is seriously so smart. Then earlier today I found myself watching her video about sex toys and masturbation.

She basically talked about how and when the first vibrator was invented and how women used to love it but when everyone (men) found out that it was being used for pleasure it just magically disappeared. In the 70s people started to use them again and that is when masturbation became taboo. People still think of sex toys as weird and a gross topic. But why? Is it gross for a man to shove himself in you? No? So why is it weird to put your fingers in you...or a little plastic/glass thing to give you more pleasure when you want it?

I'll just come right out and say it. I masturbate! There I said it. Whew *wipes imaginary sweat off of my forehead*. I used to be soooo ashamed. Every time after I masturbated I would feel like crap. Thanks to Laci I don't care what people think anymore. Masturbation is safe! I don't understand why people always push the idea away. You won't catch any diseases. You won't get pregnant...annnnnd you'll still technically be a virgin since you've never been with a man. Do you see why masturbation is so great now? Should I say anymore? 

I Love Masturbation. I will still be pure for my husband. I won't have any kids and I'll be clean as a whistle. Hell yea I'll keep right on masturbating. Also masturbating helps you figure out what you like and don't like. It also makes great practice for oral sex (for all my kinks out there). I feel great. This feels so good to get off of my chest. Yay. Okay now time to go to sleep and have dreams...

Long story short...Masturbation is great. Try it some time.

 

Being Lonely...Gets Lonely

Okay so this is going to be totally different from what I normally complain about. I don't know.. I suddenly felt the urge to get out all of my depressing feelings and thoughts. I can't hold it in anymore. Sometimes I feel...like being alone and I push everyone away. Other times I want to go out.. you know be the life of the party. Hang out with all of my friends...you know teenage stuff. But then I realize that nobody wants to hang out with me because I've pushed them away. It's so hard for me because I always have these internal arguments. Should I text this person...or should I call. Nvm they don't want to talk to me because I'm weird. I make stupid jokes...my hair is ugly...I don't dress like them..and oh, don't forget I'm much bigger then all of them...wait maybe they like me for me..I'm funny..I smell good and I have a great smile...but my nails are never done...etc. You see the point?

I push people away because I don't want them to judge me. I don't want to be right about what I think they say about me behind my back....and that is why I am lonely. I mean everyone needs their alone time right? But nobody needs their alone time all the time. It's depressing. I mean maybe I just need to suck it up and keep on trucking? I'm self sabotaging my own social life. I mean at least I can admit that. I want to fix it but I just don't know how. I mean for Christ sake I tried to push my bestfriend away! Why? Because I feel like she likes her other friend more than me. I feel threatened. I find one good person who I can be totally weird with, without getting judged, and here comes someone else stealing her from me.

So I started pushing. Being rude. Not responding back to her texts. Anything to make her go away. And now I feel alone. I mean she still talks to me but I feel like she's doing it because she feels bad. I feel bad. I make myself lonely..I completely understand that but it's hard to not push after I've been pushing for so long. Ahh there's no use in complaining. Who's gonna even read this crap and care to comment? Anybody? Oh, no one? I didn't think so.




Going to cuddle with my puppy now....Forever Alone....Literally.

Foolish little girl

           Wow. Looking back on those old blog entries made me laugh and made me a little sad. I've realized how stupid I sounded. Like I was love struck over a boy I knew nothing about. And for what? Because he was cute? Because he had nice teeth and a perfect smile? Or even because he had a nice, firm buttocks. I have no idea. It could be all three of those things. 

           I feel stupid for how obsessive and crazy I acted. I should've tried a different approach instead of staring at him like a psycho (currently laughing at all the times he caught me staring). I mean he does ride my bus after all. Maybe he'll get on the bus and it'll be so crowded that he'll have no other choice but to pop a squat next to me. Yeah, wishful thinking.

          But on to better things! My summer has been awesome so far! I've traveled, spent many nights with friends, and I've even re-connected with a childhood friend of mine! With one more month left of summer I plan on making the best of it before the very dreaded 1st day of school of my Junior year (September 4th, just in case if you're wondering). Hello August...Bye bye July!








Tyler+Me=Maybe?

Tyler, who?

After what happend on Tuesday, all respect I had for him was thrown out the window. Still disgusted by this. I know I shouldn't be upset  but he could've atleast dated a girl who doesn't have a reputation for being with the whole freshman class. I would've perferred one of my friends over her! Ha ha I can't even deal right now. School is almost over (4 days left) so maybe I'll have a summer fling. Wish me luck!

Tyler.....Who?

Day Ruined!

Tyler has a freaking GIRLFRIEND!!! Like I seriously cannot even deal right now. And its some hoe! So I definantly don't have a chance.

She's easy so why would he want someone like me? I'm not easy. I like to know a person before I stick my tounge in his mouth. I'm seriously so disgusted and annoyed.

I just seriously want to go home. I really liked this kid and he decided to date a tramp? I mean I am perfect for him! Well atleast I thought I was. I never win in these situations. Ugh!!!!!!!

Why Tyler? I hate you!!

Small talk

Ahhh we had our first little "small talk" today. It was akward but it left me in knots for the rest of that block...and the rest of the day. Okay so I was sitting there doing my warm-ups with my friends. He turned around and smiled at us and said "Hello ladies" . Lawd jesus I'm trying to type this without shaking.

But anyways we all said hey back and then he was like "How are y'all doing today?". I didn't respond  because I was too in awe of his smile. His perfectly white and straight teeth (anyone that knows me, knows I love a boy with some nice teeth!). His cocoa brown skin tone. His curly hair and my God his deep voice!

Anyways then he asked me how was I doing and I said "I'm good, thank you" (at this time I was smiling like a complete idiot!)  Then I asked him how was he doing and he said "I'm great, thank you". Ahhh he so fine.

Even though it was a very very quick conversation I feel good about it. Like maybe the next time we talk it'll be longer or something. I don't know. But after today my hopes have gone sky high. Maybe I can build up the courage to tell Tyler how I feel.

Maybe Tyler is starting to notice me?

Basketball Wife, maybe?

Tyler is so good at playing basketball. I wish you guys could see him run up and down the court. I mean he really puts his everything in it and I can tell it's his passion.

Maybe one day when I'm his we can talk about his basketball career and our future. I think I need a push to make this boy mine. This is gonna be tough but I'm gonna ask my friends for help! I want to be a basketball wife. His basketball wife.

Why won't you notice me Tyler?

Another day wasted

I can't build up the courage to talk to this boy. I wish it could be like some romantic scene out of a movie or something. You know when the girl is not that popular and kinda invisible, but the cute popular guy is curious about her beacause she's quiet and intriguing. And one day he bumps into her which makes her drop her books. He then bends down to pick up her books and they bump heads. They both laugh and then stare into eachothers eyes, knowing that they were made for eachother. *sigh* Why can't this happen to me? Why can't Tyler just catch on already. I mean helllllooooo! I'm here. In your face. The angel sent from heaven for you so um come talk to me.

I wasted a whole day just staring and wondering. Hoping that if  I stared at him long enough he would look back at me...And maybe even smile. My friends, Melanie and Isabella, offered to help but I turned it down quickly. Either I get this boy on my own (which most likely won't happen) or not have him at all. Right now my chances are slim to NONE.

Why won't you just notice me Tyler.

Notice me, please?

I really can't believe I have come to this. My pathetic life. I am seriously blogging about a boy who won't even look my way. Well actually he did once and gave me a strange look. That was my cue to stop staring but anyways this is pathetic. I am ashamed and am deeply sorry for the stuff you are about to read.



I first met Tyler in my P.E class. He held the door open for me so that I could walk in. I looked at him and gave him a smile and that was it. In that moment I knew some romantic shizz would start happening. But instead I stumbled over my own feet and began to blush from embarrassment. And now 3 months later I still kick myself over that moment. First impressions are everything and I blew mine. By now I could be his girlfriend. I would probably be with him right now, instead of blogging. But I'm not and now I'm stuck trying to find a way to make this boy mine before June 14th (the last day of school). Help? Anyone? I mean please? I have prayed, asked others to help, and even played hard to get! Nothing, nothing, nothing will work! 

Why? Just why Tyler? Why won't you notice me?