All Is Forgiven!

Best friend probs no more!

Ahh for a minute I thought I was gonna have to fly to Okinawa, Japan and beat my best friend to a senseless pulp. Awe I kinda wanted to relieve some stress. Oh well. But she actually contacted me on the third day and let me know everything that happened since she arrived back home. Shes been pretty friggin' busy. I mean her first day of school is on Monday.

When she first messaged me I was ready to go off but nahh I couldn't do it since I haven't talked to her in a few days. But anyways not much else to blog about. Today has been pretty chill and relaxing. I'm trying to enjoy my days off since school is literally two weeks away. Ugh I get nervous every time I think about it. It's time to suck it up cause' I'm a junior now. I gotta put on my big girl pants! Anyways not much more to say. This has to be  the shortest post ever. K byeeeeeeee.

Lonelygirl411 OUT!

Bestfriend Probs..merp

People are hard to understand

 

Communicating with people is not my thing! When will these dudes and dudettes understand this? I'm not good at admitting my feelings or apologizing if I'm wrong or doing something as simple as saying "Hi. My name is ___". I will admit that sometimes I can be outgoing but it takes a certain kind of person to bring that out of me...my bestfriend! But where is she?

NOWHERE AROUND HERE! 

It's so annoying. Like she goes back home (Okinawa, Japan. It's an island!) and totally stops talking to me. Like what the hell? When she was in the states the whole summer we talked every single day..now shes home and suddenly I don't hear from her at all! I mean can somebody say ABANDONMENT. Before I jumped to conclusions I thought of all the possible things that could have happened.

1. She lost her phone
2. Her phone got stolen on the 17 hour plane ride
3. She was severely injured
4. She was so tired that when she got home she slept for 2 days
5. She got arrested
6. She made her mom mad so her mom took her phone away 

So to test out these possibilities I sent her a message saying 'Hello'. I didn't want to say anything like 'Hey byotch' just in case if her mom did have her phone. But anyways I didn't get a response so I just checked my phone and guess what I saw....SHE READ MY MESSAGE. I repeat SHE. READ. MY. MESSAGE. Who does that? And to there "bffl" (bestfriend for life). I don't know what I could have possibly done for her to ignore me and my messages. Ugh lonely people don't need to feel even more lonely...We don't need that internal drama! 

*Closes eyes and counts to ten while taking deep breaths*

Okay I calmed myself down. Anyways I'm gonna give it another day and if she still doesn't message me back I am going to send her a very long message using some UN-ladylike terms. 

Lonelygirl411 is feeling lonely...and aggravated...very, very, very aggravated.

Where have I been?

Update...

Not like you would care anyways.

Okay so these past couple of days I have been busy!! Today is the first day I've actually had a break. I've been running back and forth from the school for a club I'm in called the SCA (Student Council Association. Sounds official, doesn't it?). Oh my goodness this club is wearing my down and the school year hasn't even begun yet! But anyways we just finished up an event and I had such a blast. I was a little nervous because I'm very shy so I knew I'd probably distance myself from the other members. It was actually the total opposite! The first day I kept to myself but when the second day rolled around, I was so excited and ready to mingle! They're really great people. I enjoyed every single minute and I can't wait until our next event (which is next week. yippe!!!!).

But anyways I received my schedule for this school year and booooy am I happy. I'm taking almost every class I wanted (minus like 2). I signed up for classes all the way from psychology to ceramics. Interesting, right? This year is already starting off good. For once I don't feel lonely. LOL. Maybe this year I won't be so quick to push people away? Who knows! I still have tons to do before the first day in two weeks..yup I said TWO weeks. Wowowow this feels so surreal. Okay before I start yappin' I'll go.

I'M A JUNIOR!!! LONELYGIRL411 OUT!  

 

 

Masturbation...Is it wrong?

Masturbation

Is it wrong that I like it?

First off do not judge me for what I am about to write. If you don't like the topic of masturbation then please stop reading here(:

Okay So I was on YouTube a few days ago and I came upon a channel called Sex+ by a girl named Laci Green. She's a very intelligent girl and she has a good head on her shoulders. When I first started watching her videos I was like "What the hell?". Like I literally said that every single time I clicked on a new video but when I finally decided to listen I realized that the stuff she was saying was soooooo true. I mean she talked about things from "Slut Shaming" to "A Guide For Anal Sex". I mean holy hell this girl is seriously so smart. Then earlier today I found myself watching her video about sex toys and masturbation.

She basically talked about how and when the first vibrator was invented and how women used to love it but when everyone (men) found out that it was being used for pleasure it just magically disappeared. In the 70s people started to use them again and that is when masturbation became taboo. People still think of sex toys as weird and a gross topic. But why? Is it gross for a man to shove himself in you? No? So why is it weird to put your fingers in you...or a little plastic/glass thing to give you more pleasure when you want it?

I'll just come right out and say it. I masturbate! There I said it. Whew *wipes imaginary sweat off of my forehead*. I used to be soooo ashamed. Every time after I masturbated I would feel like crap. Thanks to Laci I don't care what people think anymore. Masturbation is safe! I don't understand why people always push the idea away. You won't catch any diseases. You won't get pregnant...annnnnd you'll still technically be a virgin since you've never been with a man. Do you see why masturbation is so great now? Should I say anymore? 

I Love Masturbation. I will still be pure for my husband. I won't have any kids and I'll be clean as a whistle. Hell yea I'll keep right on masturbating. Also masturbating helps you figure out what you like and don't like. It also makes great practice for oral sex (for all my kinks out there). I feel great. This feels so good to get off of my chest. Yay. Okay now time to go to sleep and have dreams...

Long story short...Masturbation is great. Try it some time.

 

Being Lonely...Gets Lonely

Okay so this is going to be totally different from what I normally complain about. I don't know.. I suddenly felt the urge to get out all of my depressing feelings and thoughts. I can't hold it in anymore. Sometimes I feel...like being alone and I push everyone away. Other times I want to go out.. you know be the life of the party. Hang out with all of my friends...you know teenage stuff. But then I realize that nobody wants to hang out with me because I've pushed them away. It's so hard for me because I always have these internal arguments. Should I text this person...or should I call. Nvm they don't want to talk to me because I'm weird. I make stupid jokes...my hair is ugly...I don't dress like them..and oh, don't forget I'm much bigger then all of them...wait maybe they like me for me..I'm funny..I smell good and I have a great smile...but my nails are never done...etc. You see the point?

I push people away because I don't want them to judge me. I don't want to be right about what I think they say about me behind my back....and that is why I am lonely. I mean everyone needs their alone time right? But nobody needs their alone time all the time. It's depressing. I mean maybe I just need to suck it up and keep on trucking? I'm self sabotaging my own social life. I mean at least I can admit that. I want to fix it but I just don't know how. I mean for Christ sake I tried to push my bestfriend away! Why? Because I feel like she likes her other friend more than me. I feel threatened. I find one good person who I can be totally weird with, without getting judged, and here comes someone else stealing her from me.

So I started pushing. Being rude. Not responding back to her texts. Anything to make her go away. And now I feel alone. I mean she still talks to me but I feel like she's doing it because she feels bad. I feel bad. I make myself lonely..I completely understand that but it's hard to not push after I've been pushing for so long. Ahh there's no use in complaining. Who's gonna even read this crap and care to comment? Anybody? Oh, no one? I didn't think so.




Going to cuddle with my puppy now....Forever Alone....Literally.

Foolish little girl

           Wow. Looking back on those old blog entries made me laugh and made me a little sad. I've realized how stupid I sounded. Like I was love struck over a boy I knew nothing about. And for what? Because he was cute? Because he had nice teeth and a perfect smile? Or even because he had a nice, firm buttocks. I have no idea. It could be all three of those things. 

           I feel stupid for how obsessive and crazy I acted. I should've tried a different approach instead of staring at him like a psycho (currently laughing at all the times he caught me staring). I mean he does ride my bus after all. Maybe he'll get on the bus and it'll be so crowded that he'll have no other choice but to pop a squat next to me. Yeah, wishful thinking.

          But on to better things! My summer has been awesome so far! I've traveled, spent many nights with friends, and I've even re-connected with a childhood friend of mine! With one more month left of summer I plan on making the best of it before the very dreaded 1st day of school of my Junior year (September 4th, just in case if you're wondering). Hello August...Bye bye July!








Tyler+Me=Maybe?